"European Russia 2006" story # 12/p>

Staryy Oskol, Russia           September 1, 2006

I wrote the following, unedited text in my little orange book, under the heading, "Philosophy," on June 9th while in Staryy Oskol:

- Simona says it will be like the "Romantic Revolution" when we die -
     - Nadezda says I don't have feelings - Romanian mother crying beside the train - do I want to have negative feelings? - No. Not really. -
     - I left Nadezda and Olga out on their own. Maybe I should stop traveling, help people instead of being helped -
     - Nadezda's negativity is invading me -
     - Sex with Elina? - No. - Because she is perfect in my eyes. If one thing is perfect, everything can be. Sex is imperfect. Why? It is the end and completion of a wonderful adventure that should never end. It is the consumption of a person. It is selfish, in every way. It is impure. It is her, this angel, being selfish. Sex is a finite step. A concrete line. It is a desire for something greater than life. It is an admittance that life is not perfect. And it never will be again. It is a disappointment. It is the top of a mountain you don't want to finish climbing. If one thing remains perfect, all dreams are possible. -
     - "Bog" and "bogaty." - God and rich. - All who believe in God are selfish? - The belief in God is the acceptance of a more-powerful being. Acceptance means "it is okay." Thus, theists think they (if men) can be rich and powerful, while women may allow themselves to be dominated? -
     - Where is the love for humanity? -
     - Why don't we make "now" better? -
     - There should be a revolution in the schools. - The desks should be turned over. - The old teaching ways should be burnt. - Read what we want, not what we're told to. -
     - Maybe I should say what's on my mind. -
     - We should allow only short and weak men to reproduce, strong and athletic women, so the genders will be equalized. -
     - Love is bad, oppressive. -
     - Blacks were controlled with the introduction of religion, Christianity. -
     - If I had sex, I could never be free. I'd be lonely. -
     - If we abstain from sex, we might remain young and immortal. -
     - Gandhi's thoughts on dieting. - Fruits and berries. -
     - I treat girls differently than other guys. They will prefer me to them. -
     - Christianity must be destroyed. - Turn the churches into houses for travelers. -
     - Christianity is almost the most-powerful force in the world. Thus, nothing is more responsible for the sorry state of things than the Church. If Christianity could make the world better, it would've done so. It's time to throw it away and move on in a progressive direction. -
     - My theology must be taught, emphasized. -
     - Those who think sex is good are blinded by their own short-sightedness and ignorance. -
     - The acceptance of bad things is not progressive. -
     - There cannot be rich without poor. -
     - If we learned to be a family, life would be easier and richer. -
     - There's not much dancing in the world? -
     - We watch the news about rape, bad things, say, "Oh, that's horrible," and go to sleep. -
     - If you love someone, you will want them to have new experiences. -
     - Can I love two girls? - I'm failing with Elina and Nadezda. Probably, I could've treated Nadezda better if Elina wasn't there. I don't know?

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