(an epic poem)
Hear ye, hear ye, all who care!
Listen up, hey! Open your ears!
'Tis the captivating tale of the Dinosaur Egg Heist,
taken place one-twenty million years before Christ.
Our story was told in the late Jurassic.
Pay attention! Yeah, you! This one's a classic.
You may bark, "It is nothing! ... You aren't Virgil or
But, shut your mouth! Quit talking! And take heed of
what I say.
Our hero (if you're ready!) was a nest-headed caveman.
With his coconut necklace, he rightly steered the
He and the others would vagabond along.
"Og Dysseus" they called him, and he sang his caveman
"Oog-a-boog-a, oog-a-boog-a, oog-a-boog-a, ugh!
Scooby-dooby, hubba-wubba, noogy-googy, thlug!"
On this day, he'd entered into a dire predicament.
Og wanted ice cream. Of this, he was adamant.
"Marf-a-gork!" he yelled, looking in the fridge.
He could almost make his breakfast; he just needed
So, with a tummy rumbling, he set off for a walk.
He bouldered up his windows and said, "Umf!" to his
His beach-side cave abandoned, Og lumbered on his way.
Four-fifty miles inland, to where the reptiles stayed.
Here, the grass spread light and tall, amidst
mountains next to Souza.
(With a word choice like above, I should've written
It was easy to see why it was a Vale dos Dinossauras.
Og felt the peace, warmth, and sun, and he returned to
"Ugh-a-bugg-a, ugh-a-bugg-a, ugh-a-bugg-a, gloof!
Muc-a-muck-a, muc-a-muck-a, muc-a-muck-a, floomph!
Splorf-a-didduly, grawk-a-pidduly, morf-a-sphlidduly -
Muc-a-muck-a, muc-a-muck-a ..."
As Og's beat was getting good, up came a brontosaurus,
munching leaves thund'rously, near a plate-backed
Resting on a distant hill, there sat an armored
(Say, rhyming these is easy) - and a horny tricera-
(Oh, dear me, this cursed poetry! I forgot that ended
And, within a small, pine forest, dined a duck-billed
Among these giants, Og hiked quiet, and finally
exactly what he searched for - tracks of an iguanodon.
Pondering the dark, hard mud, the caveman scratched
One-foot circles with three toes, they stretched
thirty meters now.
Fifty-three prints there were, and Og scurried after.
Though the three-ton beast was near, he couldn't
contain his soft purr:
"Muc-a-muck-a, muc-a-muck-a ...
RARF! A-garf-uh - Marf! A-garf-uh - Barf! A-garf-uh,
Rreef! A-geef-uh - Ark! A-gark-uh ... Me, rrrrrant,
Og's ideas were not the best, and his song was quite
But it must be said in his defense, his stomach was
digesting his brain.
He pressed on for a clearing, where, before him on the
a sleek-headed herbivore stood, and Og had drawn its
The lizard towered tall and hefty, guarding Og's
So, Og seleceted from his bag of clubs, his Iguanodon
He wound his arms up wildly and gave the beast's chest
his best whomping.
But the dino only blinked unhurt, preparing a deadly
Sighing, Og collapsed. Just when it seemed that he
"They don't call me homo erectus for nothing!" he said
and jumped to his feet.
He scooped up an egg and sped off without a trace.
He stopped running at a tar pit, to make lunch and
"Muc-a-muck-a, muc-a-muck-a, muc-a-muck-a, mug!
Arrgh, arrgh, arrgh, arrgh! Rarr, rarr, rowr, rowr!
Og, og, og, og, ugh!"
As Og took his first bite, he looked down and to his
he saw a tyrannosaurus track, and there were several
The prints were a foot long and thin, with three sharp
"GRRAWRGH!" roared a young voice from behind. It was
one of Og's worst foes.
Claw-like teeth flowed from its mouth. Og let out a
But dino-king hadn't come for Og; he'd come for his
Ten-and-a-hundred years later, the t. rex no longer
And, of Og, only descendents, like the Modern
He came back to these historical parts, recently, in
to place a basball figurine within these dino tracks.
'Twas Dwight Gooden, his hero - none knows quite what
this means -
but it proves Og's dumb ideas and bad singing still
abound where Oddyseus is seen:
"Muc-a-muck-a, GRARRGH-OOGH, muc-a-muck-a, GRYE!
Barp-a-barp-a, BOHR-GARF, brop-a-broop-a, BYEE!
I'm a caveman. Baddup-bah-baddupaddup ... I'm a
caaavemaaan! Baddup-bah-baddupaddup ... Oh, I'm
The shaggy-haired Oddyseus, of today, was with a
And he asked just if a fossilized egg could have a
He asked if it could hatch and grow? Could it live
The dino guide couldn't see why not. It was possible.
The whole point of this story is to inform you of the
If you see a dino, stay away! And, for god's sake,
guard your ice cream.
(Og say "Umf!")